I am not. I promise

Think what you want but I swear I’m not a bad boy
Yes, oh it’s true
That’s why I check out nudes, not porn
That’s why I say sex, not fuck

Let me tell you a story of the first time I watched porn. I will not say how old I was, but I will say I only knew the willy was for peeing behind the gate where my mother will not see and chase me with her slippers for not using the toilet bowl. “Use it but don’t flush. We don’t know when next water will stop flowing” you see, water flow was a large part of my life. But I digress.

Yes, so I was taking a nap in our sofa. I am not a particularly light sleeper. Even at this age, I sleep deep with all the problems of early adulthood on my mind. And neither do I wake gently like the little boy in that Dustin Powder advert on GBC TV. I wake noisily; announce my presence with yawns and stretches and tiny farts that don’t stink. This time, lying in the sofa, I awoke fully but quietly; eyelids sprang open and I saw an erect penis enter a wet vagina.

You are either disgusted or aroused
Oh yes it’s true
That’s why they say we are basically animals
That’s why I claim I’m not a bad boy

And I kept my eyes open. Drinking in the sights and sounds; skills and positions that I don’t even know the names for as at now (you see that I’m not a bad boy?). You may ask how the porn came to be on the TV. I will not name names or hint any persons, but what I did know then with certainty was that, whoever it was that was breathing heavily in the sofa at the end of my feet would flay the skin from my living body if I so much as twitched to betray my wakefulness.

‘And so the boy grew in wisdom and in stature…and knew all manner of things’—that wasn’t me. I grew, but not with those adjectives. My mama and dada plays took on new dimensions but I still went to Sunday School faithfully (you see how much of a good boy I am?). Though I was a virgin, and she was not, I did surprise my first lover with how much I knew (stop smiling we all did it, I’m as good as you are). “ei [insert my real name] you know how to do it papa. You are a bad boy”, said the girl who wasn’t a virgin when she took mine.

I know what u are thinking now
Oh yes, I’m clever like that
That’s why people think I’m good
That’s why I still lead choir at church

I will not tell you the journeys I’ve taken in the world of porn. Suffice it to say when a thing becomes overwhelming, some men either become addicted or gain a sort of immunity. Guess which category I belong to…. Yes you guessed right!

I am not a bad boy.

~ Leon

I Know a lot of us can relate to this. Please do comment and share your thoughts


One thought on “I am not. I promise

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