I haven’t been in a good place personally for some time, i hope it ends soon. I need to focus on getting ready for the IP exams that i have on the 28th. If i am to write it today, I’ll fail terribly. No one is to blame but me not even my boss. Speaking about my boss, Day 11 was centered around him and the words shared at my IPM
He had only positive reviews about me (which i find suspect) and my progress over the past year was analyzed. And even as i search for a girlfriend, i must find myself so i present the real Christian to her. Not what i want her to see or the face with which i am less shy to face the world with. I must take off any mask that i wear.
He praised my attitude to work, how i relate with my colleagues and the senior engineers, he also called me a manipulator in a sly way; i use all the enablers that i have access to in order to solve my problems. That i don’t mind showing my ignorance in order to gain knowledge. He asked my for my short and long term goals.
I thought about this the whole day, no one knows us better than ourselves., but we interact with people on a daily basis and they see what we present to them. This self which might not be the real self is what people use to form opinions about us. That’s the only thing they have to work with, they have nothing else. Our utterances and actions is what inform them. My future girlfriend has nothing but those two; what she sees and hears herself (not what others report) to decide whether I am the type of man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. I am not saying I have to pretend to be the man I know she might want. A false front will surely cause problems in the future the same way if you buy a wrong item, it might not serve the purpose for which it was intended or it might fail. I shouldn’t give the impression that I am a harmless saint when I am the vilest of villains. Simply because I wouldn’t want that done to me. I have to go through each day keeping in mind that my attitude and speech sell me and it’s the same things that either attract or repel people, if your attitude stinks, it drives people away.
Goals…now this is interesting. I have no personal goals apart from being the richest man in the world (Just so I can eat anything I want, from Lions to the most exotic plant). But this isn’t enough and it is wrong. I am no longer a boy, I need to recognize the face that I have more responsibilities and act and plan accordingly. I need to set short and long term personal goals because one thing I do know, I won’t date any girl without any sort of ambition or goal. She must have targets and ways of measuring progress, if I demand this from my future partner, how much more not from myself? And this is more for me as a human than for relationship sakes. How will I know if I made it if I have nothing to measure it against? The time is now! So let me set a personal goal on here, to save 40% of my yearly income this year (starting from today, day of posting this, March 19, 2013)
Have sound sleeps folks.