“We are not mad. We are human. We want to love, and someone must forgive us for the paths we take to love, for the paths are many and dark, and we are ardent and cruel in our journey.” Leonard Cohen, Poems and Songs
Do you know how it feels when your day ends at 10am? When people have already started their day you are now slowly crawling into bed, no thoughts of having a quick shower, just sleep and maybe a great dream to wash away the stress and pain of the night before. My second day of searching ended/started at 10am this Sunday. I got home quite tired but I couldn’t sleep, I was waiting for the DM that would set my day; a photo shoot at Aburi, I was to be the tag along. It never came though, can you believe it? My first opportunity to be surrounded by lovely ladies and it got cancelled and I never received the message until 10pm .
I spent the time chatting with Rachel about my diet plan and how silly it is, I told her I was getting my sexy back for her, she laughed and said I was already sexy (a lie I wont mind repeating to myself before approaching any girl) . This is how the conversation about the diet went,
“Your diet starts on Monday?????? oh btw, LOOOVE the post. Gets you thinking doesn it? hmmm, Buh your diet? Let’s go for one last round of fattening unhealthy food b4 it starts. Tonight?”
Lol, I couldn’t say no that. We agreed on the time and I ended the chat to sleep. I could only sleep for an hour, an event that occurred after I woke up gave me an additional reason as to why I am single, Trust
Trust, I find it difficult to trust a woman (people) . I don’t know how to explain or justify it. You know how sometimes you go like I can play with this particular fire but you can’t, you don’t know how to handle it. I can’t trust you if you do the things that I do. What does that say about me? I really don’t want to know. If you cannot trust yourself how can you enter a relationship? If you doubt your intentions, how do you know whether your actions and words are born out of love? How can I date a girl if I don’t trust her. You can’t trust a human totally but there is an extent that you can and I don’t have that.
Trust is the cement in relationships, trust and respect. Without them, no relationship can stand. If the very fiber of our relationship lacks this, we cannot grow and develop. I have to work on trusting myself and then I can trust the other.
We had a lovely evening together, we ate and ate and ate again, it was amazing. Sushi and Spanish cuisine had never tasted any better.
I ended the day with Lorraine the owner of Melon Cross I went over for a lovely cake i had purchased. We ended up chatting for a while, i had also wondered how a conversation with her would be like. She was like a cute train, there wasnt any place not accessible for her, she did not chug along, she carried the conversation. What i left her apartment was this, Social media is slowly breaking down social norms and people are losing their identities, we are all slowly become imprints of each other or the dominant forces. We are no longer our own. If your opinion is not the popular one, you are attacked and painted evil. Individualistic thoughts are frowned upon unless it’s from the alphas. It’s a worrying development. And i know very well that i cannot date a girl who is a copy of another, that’s why in my search i specified this “A, must not allow a man to define her and she should also hold her own among her friends” She should be a unique individual. Can reason and make decisions on her own, outside inputs are welcomed but that should not be the norm or the whole. If you cannot defend someone who is being treated unfairly by the majority because you are scared of also being attacked then i cannot date you. You wont be the kind of partner i need because baby our love would be attacked from all angles, by work, family, friends, finances, ourselves, everyday life. I’ll need a strong woman beside me to help me fight for our love, for our survival.
So on day two, it hit me that Trust and Individualism are very important for me, the first is my problem and the second the problem of us all. Do have a fruitful week.