Woke up today with a smile on my face because I thought I knew how the day was going to turn out, I had an appointment with the doctor and then lunch/dinner pool date with a friend. Wait, let me share what happened the day before.
I was out having one of my solo dinners but this time I had the driver as a companion, as we ate, it dawned on me that I was lonely as fuck. I just wanted to belong to someone, so I got on twitter and shared my frustration and asked for help. I described the kind of woman I wanted, her physical appearance, mindset and attitude. The ones that I recollect are, an amazing double D’s or a decent A, must not allow a man to define her and she should also hold her own among her friends. Someone that respects others and believes that we are all equals but not the same and really accepts that.
The day started well enough, I made it to the Doc’s on time. My weight and height was taken, BMI calculated and put on a diet meant to kill my soul first and then my body. I then hit up my date for the day to ask when she would be available. We agreed on a time and a place but it was unfortunate that she couldn’t make it. It sucks, doesn’t it? But upon reflection it was a good thing. Not that she had anything to fear, okay she had because I am a shameless flirt when I get them wet. She was always going to say no if I tried something and I know (yes I know) I wouldn’t have tried.
Now why do I say it was a good thing? She reminded me of time, time that we spend with love ones, not time associated with work, I already knew the benefit of time well spent working. I am talking about appreciating the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months spent with the people that we care about and who feel the same for us and also for those who cant feel the same. Time is a precious thing, once the clock starts ticking there is no reversal, no pause. its bye bye precious seconds. As I sat there, I asked myself, do I value time? do I value the time that I spend with family? Do I try to make them count? do I use it well? Do I use the time to reassure them of my love and let them know what is happening in my life? Or I keep them out and make them feel like they are wasting my time. is everything a rush with them?
Do my friends get my undivided attention when I do hang with them? Do I use work as an excuse not to spend time with the people I call friends and claim that I care for? Do I feel like it was a waste of time anytime I leave their side? Do they feel estranged because we no longer spend time together, doing the fun things that we used to or just even having time for a simple chat.
When a stranger approaches me, do I just hold up my hand and move on, do I check out the attire of the person and decide whether I should listen to what he or she has to say? Is the time given out based on appearance, sex, what I might gain from it or what? How about charities? taking time off to visit the sick in the hospital, cleaning the neighbourhood with your neighbours. Church activities, work related outings, do you partake of them?
If I really want to be in a relationship, one that is functional, time, respecting time itself, giving her my time, respecting the time given to me by her, the time I spend with others are all important and must be treated with respect. I cannot say I am in a relationship when I hardly spend quality with you while giving that to someone else or to an activity.
So I guess day one showed me why I am not in a relationship, I don’t really value and respect time, spend time on the women I really like and might want something with, how I relate with my family, friends, strangers is the “same” way i ‘ll relate to that one special person. Hope day two will help draw me closer to finding one.
I wish the dinner had really come on because the diet thingy starts on Monday.
Have a blessed Sunday
As I was writing this, the song came up, Bobby Womack – I Wish He Didn’t Trust Me So Much, all my male friends with beautiful girlfriends should listen to it because frankly we all have that same good taste.
Love is essential, to some it’s detrimental. Dennis Coles (better known by his stage name Ghostface Killah