It hurts that it hurts so bad

This is a post written by @uncleyoso The only Alien on my timeline, When an alien decides to love a human, you just know she must be special. This post is about seeing the signs and being helpless, its about err nah please just read it for yourself and share your thoughts in the comments section.

5am: So here I am again when I promised myself just to lurk and like photos on here until I got a professional camera because you guys have been pissing me off with your HD and HDR photos. I’m here early in the morning catching up on the second season of the Game of Thrones but I can’t! I’m sad. I can’t focus. This is my 4th time pressing play on the S02E03 I just can’t find myself to watch this. Sucks b! My mind drifts off to the sadder moments and dark aura that surrounds me. Not that feeling again. Nope! Nah! Never! I’ve been curved. I won’t admit it. I hit pause again. Pushed the laptop back.

I saw on my twitter timeline I remember that writing helps you clear your mind. I never believed that shit until I started writing this blog post. I’m still sad. Why? I’ve been fucking curved you don’t get it. When everything goes from happy hours of a relationship to the sour times of life, you have no choice rather than to be sad.  But with this, we were never in a real relationship. I didn’t see her every day. A couple of times a year and that was it.  Long distance relationship. L.D.R. I hate that shit. I never trusted that shit anyway. SMH. But I had hope. I’ve never liked anyone like that (never let myself go) in the past  6 years until last year and a half.  Everyone who knows me knows your boy don’t get down like that but I did. I love being in a relationship. Everyone does. Everyone wants that person to call your own. Everyone wants some sort of security to make them feel great. I thought we had it. I believed in us. When u start pushing people away just so you give attention to that ‘one’ you know you r there. So it went from spending everyday talking, every second to hi’s and hey’s to fights (yeah brutal and most of them senseless) to pure awkward convos. Crickets. Silence. Shush! We had nothing to talk about. We fucking lost it. I don’t know why. I tried to make things work, tried alternative things to do but it was just crickets. What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with her? What happening to us?

The texting turn from “I love you babe, can’t wait to see you” to….

You – “Yo whats up?”

Her – “Nothing. I’m just there”

You – “Oh okay cool”

Her – “You?”

You – “Home, Chilling”

Her – “okay”

You – “Sure”

Her – “Kk”

You – “Kkkk”

Her – “ (Y)”

This is the stage where you start questioning yourself about what you did, do u look awful lately, no money, situations in life, are you not loving enough, do you need a new car? Nope! I found the answer! It’s nothing! Everything is gone! Through all these times I tried to make things right, like start all over again but still crickets. What made this sadder life pure and authentic is when I found that she was happy. Fuck No! I can’t be going through all this shit and you are happy on the other end. She’ll be in a good mood, exchanging tweets, LOLs and texts with HIM. Yeah HIM. The world always warned me about that HIM. All over in books, online, TV, blogs, magazines always warned us about that HIM who’ll come into your relationship when its sour. He’s the one who makes her smile, advices her about how bad you’re treating her, take her places, spend more time with her. HIM got you on timeout, sitting on the bench waiting to be called into the games but your mojo died, nobody cares about you anymore. I tried to fight her about HIM, I tried to be the nice one the funny one but it was nothing but crickets. The little lies she tells you, you know they’re lies but you have to believe them because you don’t want no drama. Sucks. Let me not talk about jealousy. To me I wasn’t jealous; I was fighting for my own. To her I was always complaining, being a bitch or bum as she likes to say.

Let’s skip all the sad stories. It took a thousand chariots to ask her the ultimate question; “what’s up with the two of you?” After some minutes of denial and beating around she admitted, “I like HIM!!!!”. *#^%^&$&&*^vhjf. Uhhhhhhm. Okay. Yup. I had nothing to say but just one word, “OKAY”. SMFH. It was kinda obvious but that hurt my soul more than everything. I’ve been officially kicked off…to the curb. Probably farther than that.  I tried all sorts of distractions even tried playing Sudoku, Disney Channel, reading a recipe book but it won’t go. I’m sadder than before.  What am I to do? Just be sad sad sad and more sad. My only prayer is to get over this awful feeling quickly and be myself. I smell a great summer! Yes please.

PS: I fucking hate King Joffrey Baratheon. I just want to smack his membrane out of his skull. Stupid Boy! And yeah I advanced another 2 episodes. Watch this video too and be sad with me

5 thoughts on “It hurts that it hurts so bad

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