I wrote this some weeks back but I felt it was incomplete, I still feel that way, so I posting it so that you guys will end it for me.. Smile thank you, I know you guys will help me. I start it, Besala and Efe also contribute and you the readers will end it with your comments……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Where does the need to feel accepted come from?

The need to belong.

What makes us do away with our principles and beliefs just to fit in?

What makes us uncomfortable with ourselves that we deny what we are?

Its people

People who cant accept us for who we are

Who laugh at our uniqueness, and demand that we loose our individuality.

People who cant stand the sight of people not looking, talking, attired etc like them.


People who once said “be yourself” but somewhere between ‘you’ and ‘self’ they failed to tell about the terms and conditions. Terms and conditions which only allows for marginal differences

The ‘you’ which society accepts and the ‘self’ which one will forever struggle with because of wanting to be socially accepted by a society that does not accept People. Those who shut down individuality are the lost ones. Brainwashed to what is mainstream, they only know how to tear down. They can’t accept you because they don’t accept themselves.

Wanting you to be your true self as long as it doesn’t coincide with the idea of what is seen as normal. Trying to find an identity that depends so much on a corrupt social structure. Because we all yearn for acceptance. We all want to satisfy someone. Make someone proud. Have someone look up to us

The hardest thing to do is to accept ourselves, all parts, especially the hidden ones. The dark parts that have seeped into a iron caged subconscious

Start there.

Battle with the ego. Tear yourself down until you are at the core, where the key to internal peace is sure to be found. And there you can see you were actually accepted all along.

Between you and God who else can love you more?

A peace where love for oneself overpowers all others

A peace knowing you were always an original, always have known your true self

A true individual who just happened to get lost in a social disguise

Someone once said that all kids are born geniuses, but adults destroy the creativity of 99% of them. The need for acceptance actually may have its roots in our desire to please the first significant humans in our lives: our parents. At the young impressionable age, we are rewarded for making our parents proud and punished for putting them to shame. Often, the punishments are not for any explained wrong, but for some perceived inconvenience to our significant care-givers. We may then base our standards for right and wrong just on the comfort it provides to those we rely on for our sustenance.

In later years, this learned behavior may take various forms. We dress according to mainstream fashion and only watch the movies everyone else likes. (For example, I only read novels or listen to music with good reviews from my friends and the world around me.) This desire to please may be exaggerated for people we perceive we have things to benefit from: money, status, power, and whatever we deem necessary for our wellbeing.

How to break free of this? Often, we may need to spend time alone to discover who we truly are and what our driving forces are. Many great spiritual movements were even initiated in the desert where people are reported to have had time alone to meditate. The time alone is sometimes  experienced in times of great personal suffering or trial, when most humans seem to be suddenly busy with their own affairs, leaving us to sort out our lives alone. This “wilderness” experience may be the first step to determining who we really are and what we really want, not what others say we are and what others want for us, no matter how significant they may be.

After the last comment I would love the post to end with a tweet from Koshie

There is nothing more rewarding than staying true to who you are


9 thoughts on “Acceptance

  1. i can imagine reading this post about a year ago when i first got to uni and it took a while to find myself again. it might have encouraged me at the time i needed it most. i think as people we are always changing. always evolving. hopefully for the better. a big part of this for me is discovering all the different parts there are to me that i didn’t even know existed. the best part of it is falling even deeper in love with myself. good post! x

  2. Rebelling against the norm however, doesn’t define who we are. Having our own mind, ideas, hopes, dreams, principles, define us. How would we cope if thrust into a different society? Our true selves come out mostly when we’re placed in a different environment. This is why you hear things like “She changed when she went into University” or “He changed when he went to this country”.

  3. *sigh* the struggle for validation can certainly be overwhelming; The stamp of approval we all seek whether or not we admit it. While wanting affirmation or acceptance may not in itself be a bad thing, loosing ourselves in the process is d sad and rather unfortunate outcome. A lot of us don’t even know who we truly are.
    I’m just repeating wat has already bn said in d post. *sigh* dis hit too close to home, cos right nw I’m on that “voyage of self-discovery”. It is not an easy journey but I’m truly thankful 4 the progress I’ve made.

  4. I’ve spent enough time with myself to know that there’s no such thing as ‘who we are?’ To define who we are will involve describing ourselves.This can only be done with the words of others, the ideas and the concepts of others, and we will have polluted the purity of ‘self’ with the foreign litmus. It is a self-defeating venture. I am what I am. What I am, I am.

    Love the post. BTW who’s the pretty lady?

  5. Its sad and appauling as to why and how these so-called social standards arose or wat makes them the socially accepted ways. The desire to fit in or to please anyone shouldn’t have even been part of anyone’s priorities in the first place,considering the fact that “you” are the most important person in your life and what pleases you should be your ultimate aim.

  6. Why if it isn’t my favorite topic.

    There is no need to seek acceptance
    From anyone but yourself.
    Seldom we reflect
    On why we even feel the need to be accepted.
    Perhaps in the desire to be part of something…
    In the quest to be loved.
    There is no greater love you could give the world
    Than the love you afford to your person.
    The path where your faults
    don’t cause you to bring judgement to yourself
    Where your experiences are teachers
    Lessons and building blocks
    For the journey you are taking.
    I am no expert on the matter
    But I know this one factor
    I can not accept anyone for WHO they are
    Without first accepting mySELF.
    After all
    I am You.
    Separation is a helluva drag!

    That’s my two cents.

  7. hmmm where to start? First of all I think human beings are too complex to have a particular ‘self’. We grow, we evolve, we are hit by responsibilities which shape us and even change us. There are norms and standards because they appeal to majority of people and I think that works for me. On the other hand if a person does something outside the norm that does not harm anyone and calls it his ‘true self’ fair enough but he must know that the response he will get won’t exactly be friendly. So yea, it’s really a personal decision. People in general aren’t that bad, the things they talk about is just what they know and believe works. You choose what to do in life and as for the influence dierr I still believe nobody can force you to do what you don’t want to do. We just give in ourselves.

  8. Its the eternal paradox. We pride ourselves on our ability to be unique and not blend in with the background, but we spend our lives yearning to be part of a defined group. I think the problem is our definition of acceptance, to be accepted is likened to being comparable to those we want to be accepted by. Why can’t we be accepted for our individuality…One thing I’ve come to realize is that the idea of true acceptance as we know it is a concept that borders, quite frankly, on madness. Acceptance at the end of the day is limited to our social circles, we seek to be accepted by the people we interact with on a daily basis. As the people we interact with are not all the same, it presupposes that gaining their acceptance would require us to behave in ways that would be tailored to suit each of their expectations of ‘normailty’. Is it worth being a virtual schizophrenic in order to be accepted? For me..acceptance(in this sense) is a farcical idea as long as it hinders us from defining who we really are, and until we can accept ourselves , its simply pointless to chase after the approval of others.

  9. I second most of it.
    However, I am a true believer of “no man is an island” and this must not be forgotten when considering self; as self has an impact on others (the surrounding world) to whatever large a degree.
    Many of my friends and acquaintances, I have now had for well over 18 years; some of which I communicate with on a regular- others on an extremely irregular- basis. One thing that I am constantly being told is, “Oh Vicky, you really haven’t changed at all.”

    This is both true and false. I started analyzing my personality/persona from a very early age and have come to both understand and accept myself as wonderfully and beautifully made- both inside and out. I can accept and appreciate others for who they are, because I have learnt to love and embrace MYSELF.

    During my (ongoing) development, one thing I initially however paid less attention to was how my being Me affected those around me.
    It is fair enough to be so and so, but remember: the people you are surrounded by are placed there for a purpose (and vice versa). I see life as a cycle, a journey, a learning and growing experience. This is especially true of character. We are being developed on an ongoing basis. Once learning and growing has stopped (just like plants) there really is no life in you anymore.

    So, guess what I am trying to say in a nutshell: Love and embrace yourself for who you are; do not attempt to be someone else (try it, it won’t ever work or last for long), but remember that it is not just you! There is nothing wrong with a bit consideration and caution. It is an utterly selfish thing to think of oneself as more important or deserving more rights than another. It has little to do with being fake or not being oneself, but rather with understanding human relationships, and rightfully playing one’s part.

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